Bugatti Veyron

Update - IC

Well the job looks like it might come through in DC. The idea of being there and rubbing elbows constantly with the people in the know is almost electrifying. There are a few ends to tie up here before I accept it though. I should send Tryst and Zosia something in welcome to their child. I have to get Aiden's checkup done. Kenneth... Kenneth.  Then I have to figure out a few things with the places I own, which means a few more meetings. I should probably arrange one with Jack. It's been awhile. We'll see how that goes.

In lieu of logs

They say if you love something, you have to set it free. If it never returns then it was never yours. They don't talk about when it returns that it is changed. A Shadow Lord is supposed to hide her heart. She's supposed to be able to be stoic in bloodshed and tears. She's not supposed to show those pesky emotions that plague her heart. I've been trying. I just wish I didn't have the urge to morph. There are times when he talks and I just want to be that creature. I want to be that creature because that is the one beside him. Other times, well other times I don't wish to inflict myself on him - on anyone.  Do I love him? Hmm. How does a Shadow love the music and the light? I suppose I do, but he'll never know and he'll never understand. It is because he will see only what I want him to see. Which is the worst of me.

I have to do this. We are in a sick circle now. Drawn together and so very pulled apart. I feel my heart expand every time he enters a room and I feel it break when he leaves it. Sometimes it feels like my light is gone when he leaves, a light I was never meant to have. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm a mother with different priorities and a different life than what I once presented. It doesn't convince my heart not to love him though. I have struggled with my decision and what I know I am going to do. People like to look at my tribe and call us heartless. Sometimes the problem is that we feel so much that we are flooded by it. We try to do what is best for everyone and yes, that means we are willing to be the bad guy so what must happen will happen.

He left. It is final and it is because of me. He will never know that I love him. He will never know that I die when he leaves and that I know our lives together would be a constant steady door of him leaving. I still can feel his touch on my hair, stroking my calf and the look of love in his eyes. A look I knew I had to kill and an emotion I knew I had to turn away. Yes, they say if you love something you must set it free. However, that's not exactly what I am doing. You have to do what is right, even if it means pretending no longer to care. Sometimes you have to lose a part of you in order so they may be free.
little red riding hood

OOC - My Thoughts

This is in response to Foxling's post and the commentary that follows it. Her post can be found at:

http://community.livejournal.com/garoumush/145728.html#cutid1

I admit that I was leery about typing this because I'm worried about the OOC fallout towards myself; however maybe that is the problem. So I'm putting it out there and we'll see how it goes.

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